Taking a Breather on Blogging…

Confessions of an Anonymous Blogger – Part 2

It’s been way too long! The guilt of not finding the mojo to post has become quite unbearable. I don’t know what has gotten in to me on this whole blogging thing. I have plenty of things to blog about but no desire to put it all together into a post. Maybe the problem is that I have too much going on for it to come out as a coherent post.

That’s when it hits me. I’m not really an “anonymous” blogger, not as much as I’d like to be at least. I don’t know the people who read my blogs, and it frightens me to death that my families, my neighbors, my colleagues and future or potential employers might one day stumble on my blog and find that I’m not really as angelic as I try to be.

But really? I’m not perfect. I’m only human. Putting all this out there is a big deal for me nowadays. I find myself lacking substance to put here because of this perpetual fear of being judged or whatever.

My life is pretty much mundane, nothing exciting about it. So I ain’t got much hunky dories to share. But really? Life can’t be that hunky dory all the time right? Sigh!

It’s my blogging identify crisis I suppose.

Confessions of an Anonymous Blogger

What’s Your Blogging Personality?

So, that pretty much explains why it is my Urban Notes not my Blog who has been capturing all my thoughts, confessions and observations lately.

Confessions of a Stressed Out Blogger

You know you are almost stretched to the maximum…

When, you didn’t realize you were wearing your scarf inside out (the lovely embroidery was hidden by the plain stitches), until one of the waiters of the mamak café sheepishly pointed that out while serving your roti telur and Nescafe breakfast.

When, you didn’t realize you had put on a mismatched pair of shoes when entering the bank until the teller smilingly pointed that out while transacting your ASB account.

When, you can’t remember the last time you shopped for groceries and prepared home-cooked meals or even hot tea/coffee until your sibling who came visiting pointed out that there’s nothing in your kitchen that seems edible.

When, you spent most of your evenings with Anuar Zain instead of the legally wedded spouse lately, where the former without fail would patiently wait, accompany, serenade and woo you with his melodious and romantic dos while you were finishing your work very late alone at night in the office.

When, you can’t differentiate whether it was just a dream, a nightmare or indeed a real instruction coming from your superiors to prepare a special report explaining to the newly appointed Group CEO why we indeed need to extravagantly spend millions on ‘the project’ while the rest of the population in the company have to tighten their belts cutting costs.

When, of all the years having the external auditors breathing on your neck in Dec/Mac, you finally (semi-consciously) had the guts to snap at them (Wahoo!), wrapped them around the fingers and pointed out what they themselves could do in trying to dig any little dirt or possible hidden skeletons in the closest in all the projects executed.

But life is good, I am not complaining. And Thank God I still can remember my wordpress.com password.

My Valentine

It’s hard not to jump into the bandwagon of talking about the subject matter when the word is sprawling all over the blogsphere today. But it is rather harder to fake a similar lovey dovey entry after the attempt for some candlelit dinner plan with Himself felt flat on my face.   

“Yang, let’s have dinner at KLCC XYZ tonight. I’ll wait for you there after your seminar. My treat!”

“Sounds nice. But not today, I gotta rush to Low Yat to buy ZYX. I will see you at home at 6:00pm.“

Oh well! Giving him some benefits of doubt, he should notice the many bouquets of red roses which suddenly bloomed ferociously throughout the city center today. But because he was so preoccupied with his business, he might have thought that the roses were just dumped in the city because of the invasions of snow storms in the west or the bushfires in down under.

Being the occasional melodramatic queen that I am, I video-called him at 4:00pm and I could hear and see the brisk business over at Low Yat.  And, his car entered the gate at 5:30pm, with (only) ZYX in hand.

Ah, he is indeed my Valentine!

Mona Lisa Smile

 

Her hypnotically smile captivates millions. Many believe in her portrayal of a sad and depressed lady, but because of her smile even many more think she is a happy lady. After centuries of mysteries and mysticism, her identity has finally been revealed. She is Lisa del Giocondo, a wife of Florentine businessman, Francesco del Giocondo. Even more intriguing is a scientific finding that unlocks the famous smile of mixed emotions; Mona Lisa was 83 percent happy, 9 percent disgusted, 6 percent fearful and 2 percent angry.  

I don’t know what it is with Mona Lisa that I, in one way or another, feel like connected to her.

Those who are linked to me in Facebook might identify me as just another plain Jane on the street/LRT who tries hard to keep up with the demanding work life. A Jane who is saddened/angered with what happened to the brothers/sisters in Gaza, intrigued with the Barrack-Michelle Obama story, and at the same time letting her hair down on weekends, sitting back & relax, enjoying movies, window-shopping or simply enjoying Kalamansi with Asamboi over a plate of Kerang Bakar at her favorite reclusive lakeside stall.

I don’t know what exactly comes through the minds of those who skim through my tiny blog; but it seems like they are curious about this anonymous & faceless pathetic blogger. Well being somewhat a geek, I do know the way to discreetly install an invisible webcam behind this blog which is able to sense the readers’ emotions and compile them for some other intelligence purposes. And all credits should go to Leonardo and Einstein who had just been abruptly awoken from the graves to launch the technology…muhahaha! Seriously, this is what WordPress is hinting to me; my sporadic ‘Under My Duvet’ or ‘Dear Diary’ entries logged the highest hits so far.     

It also somewhat tickles me when I could be perceived as belonging to those insecure and clingy categories, just because of my ‘PS I Love You’ entry in BlogHer.com, a women blogger community which I was looking forward to join, after US First Lady, Ms Michelle Obama, herself was blogging her heart out in there (but it looks like she has recently stopped writing in BlogHer.com).

For the life of me, I do hope the perception isn’t true.

We could never have all the perfections that we want in life.  A picture is worth a thousand words, so they say. Facial or verbal expressions can be played, but what lies in the heart can never be fully understood by all the people, all the time. I do love my life, and I am confident to enjoy both the happiness and challenges that He bestows upon me. He knows the best.

 

A Day in a Museum – Musee de Louvre (Paris Spring ‘08)

Alright, I confess here and now that I am stuck in this love/hate relationship with blogging.

At times in between meetings my mind enjoys that pit-stop-wandering, and a few stories, wit, insight and clever thought suddenly springs, yet  finding the right time/mood to craft witty, meaningful and interesting prose is almost impossible, at least that’s the way it seems to me now.

My mind is now behaving as if it is spending a day in a museum, a bit of everything comes into play. And all these bits serve as a fizzing intro to the interconnecting myriad of corporate/personal life, the universe and everything.

 

Under My Duvet – Year 2

Who the heck is this anonymous blogger? I am not quite sure how many would be asking that question, since I know this tiny space is not explosive nor groovy nor haffenin as many other good blogs out there that worth dropping by. But, I was pretty pleasantly surprised when I noticed that there was quite an increase of hoppers stopping by my former little space, especially those coming either from The Queen/Matron of Malaysian Bloggers, Kak Teh, or from her Heathrow-like busy Sentral Station. Being a pathetic and sporadic blogger that I am i.e. my blog posts are very minimal and irregular, what I wrote is so boring it can even put a hyperactive cat to doze, I don’t know how to actively mingle virtually aka dropping comments, leaving trails at others’ although I have been a stalker to those many good blogs for years, it sure is nice and humbling when my former site is listed in both Kak Teh and Sentral Station.

God knows that probably was/is the main drive on why I keep struggling to let the ink flowing although honestly I don’t have much to share. My very hectic and demanding career sometimes makes me overlook that I do have a blog (yes, you, my most nearest & dearest, my wonderful colleagues, friends of friends, and relatives of relatives who somehow finally managed to unmask me. I am a blogger, happy? So, don’t be shy, drop a line or two, but pleeaaassseee call me as what I am identifying myself in this blogs ya …pretty pleeeaaassseee…) so occasionally when I dropped by Kak Teh and Sentral Station and I noticed my positioning was wayyyy down at the bottom, I panicked and slightly agitated, and I would scramble for anything to push my position slightly up again; hence that pretty much explained my previous post in my former site (if it can even be called a post that is); an entry about nothing since my mind was totally blank and I was contemplating to even delete the site totally. Phew!!! Thank God I didn’t, else I wouldn’t know where to park my rambling here. BTW, thanks to Ms B, the young hot yummilicious corporate jet-setting mummy; and KC the funny carefree supermom wannabe for the notes…muah..muah..muah.   

So what now? The malu-malu kucing cat is starting to come out of the bag now, don’t I at least have a courtesy to explain myself as a blogger, so at least people out there could maybe better understand why I write the way I have been writing, why I only write on things of which I have been writing, if may use Denise Richard’s reality show tagline, it’s complicated. Err… no, that’s not quite how I would explain my life now, it more like it’s boring. Yes, my life is so drop dead booooring, it only revolves around work, himself, cats, kampong,  work, himself, cats, kampong, err, I probably shouldn’t be repeating typing the components of my life here … see that’s how boring my life is.

But one thing for sure there’s one element that differentiates or more like alienates me from the rest of the happy bloggers in this whole wide web world; I am a DINK, and that is why I think Denise Richard’s tagline is very true in describing my life. Not only it is boring, it’s complicated. I probably can write a book or two about the ordeal, I may even be able to grab premium membership in Orpah’s Book Club (yeah right, wistful thinking) but as it is now I don’t even want to go near to the subject matter. There’s no more tears left in that department. Subject matter closed.

I was once reminded by a blogger friend that I need not go emotional when making blog entries, and that probably explains why my previous entries are mostly a bit impersonal, but I am only human with feelings and bad days. I am what I am.

Anyway, back to the happy blogging mode, I can’t believe that it’s been 2 years since I become part of this big virtual happy family of Malaysian life bloggers. I do hope to be able to continue scribbling, pouring my heart out on things that I wish to share, sharing my takes on life both at personal as well as corporate level. Who knows there could be souls out there who may be able to gain small benefits from reading them.

Happy 2^nd Year Blogging to me. Call me MyAnneJay, still very much NJ at heart, a Malaysian Boleh! life blogger

 

Mingling 101

I should think I have gone through all the worst days of my corporate life; after having been in corporate front for more than 10 years that is. There were times when I stumbled on words, scratching my head for a few seconds looking for words to say in front of delegates of our sister company from the neighboring country and when I was at the center stage’s podium in an auditorium. There were a few occasions when I couldn’t figure out how to answer in a very politically correct tone when some BOD members raised questions which may not be that relevant to topic being discussed without sounding condescending. There were also testing times when I had to maintain my coolness emotionally although it was very clear that those meeting delegates were trying to gang up on me pushing all the blames onto me while it was clear that it was everybody’s faults.

I should think after years of accumulating the tips and tricks of growing thick skin and maintaining poker face in all kinds of bad situations, I have learnt them all. Yes, give me all shapes and sizes of corporate demons and lemons, and somehow I will find my way to make lemonades out of them.

Except one. Send me to after work parties with instructions to mingle, to build better network with your counterparts, then I will fail. Fail miserably I must further qualify. I don’t know how to mingle, I don’t know how to make small talks. I just don’t know.

Just like the other night, where I had to represent Big Kahuna at the Corporate Raya Gathering of one of our sister companies. It’s bad enough that I have yet to really get to know the names of all these people. You see them almost every other day at the cafes, in the lifts, in the surau; and most of the time it was ok to just smile to each other without really having to utter or exchange words. But not when you were on your own walked into a room full of people whom although you might have bumped into them in one occasion or another, and you had to mingle and make small talks to them. And worse still, you were still in your ruffled office attire (I just didn’t bother to change to casual dress) while these people were in their glamorous & glittering Bernard Chandran-like outfits with their most sparkling bling-bling on.

So I just did what Betty would have done in parties filled up with Whilmenas, Alexis, the Mode models, and the likes. I was fortunate to finally be able to locate CP, a fellow number/project cruncher, at a cornering table. So we just quietly and discreetly filled our plates with the barbequed lamb, grilled salmons, sates, and what not and started stuffing our face with the delicacies, paying little attentions to those glamorous counterparts.

Yes, people did drop by our tables to thank us, to acknowledge us, to make rather awkward small talks, but we suspect it was because they had to and that they had no choice. We are the devils who they have to depend on and of which without us their corporate life can potentially cripple, so-to-speak. Hmm… come to think about it, I just love playing this combination of Ugly Betty and Whilmena’s devilish character. Muahahaha!!!!

Dear Me – August 2008

Dear Me,

Hei you! It’s me, you, yourself. I know you might be surprised with this little note. I am too, as it’s been a while since we wrote to each other.

I know there’re so many things going on with your life now, especially in the work department. I found out from your Facebook that you are wishing for 48 hours in a day? I also know that you are trying to spend this lovely weekend doing office work so you can catch up with many more works back in office tomorrow. That is too much!

Take a deep breath now, hear me out will ya?

I know you have been given a whole new responsibility at work, that you have committed to deliver whatever necessary to Big Kahuna, however little your resources are now. And that what makes you stay late almost every other night ever since you came back from Berlin business trip. You constantly travel to various project offices i.e. Port Klang, Central KL, JB, S’pore, etc, you reach home almost 10:00pm almost every night, you wake up at 5:30am every morning to beat the traffic jam? You are so damn tired, aren’t you? And that exactly what your body blatantly admitted last Friday. Remember, your shoulder cramped so bad your left arm refused to lift up, that you had to take emergency leave just to regain yourself.

Thank God your strength and your spirit is back to normal now, and that you are trying to put things in better perspectives, better balanced between corporate and personal life, enjoying what you love about your me-time i.e. going window-shopping and watching movies with Himself on Saturday; sitting back/relax on Sunday, enjoying good fiction books, blogging and blog-hopping and actually leaving trails/comments on those good blogs you have been stalking all these while instead of being only a ghost reader.

I know, you still hate doing housework no matter how hard you wish to be a weekend domestic goddess, you are not even an inch closer to become a semi-domestic goddess my dear.

Hei, when was the last time you saw how beautiful a sunset is? (I know you drive to work everyday while the sun is rising but I bet you don’t even realise that, do you?) Remember back in the 90s’ when you and your then boyfriend used to enjoy waiting up for sunsets at various beaches/seaside in California, and how you longed to ..ok..ok.. let’s just keep them to ourself What about sunsets in Pangkor Island that you and Himself love so much! Remember how you two enjoyed frolicking in sea while watching the sunsets? Haha! Everybody thought you two were honeymooners although you two have been married for more than 10 years now.

Ok.. ok.. I digress, but the point is that you have been so held up in your work, you don’t even remember how to enjoy small little pleasures in life i.e. walking through pasar malam enjoying the aromas of sate, ikan bakar, ayam percik that the smells will sure stick to your scarf and baju kurung even after you safely reach home. What about enjoying the stroll in the hypermarket at the spice section, where you can sniff the different aromas of paprika, cumin, coriander, nutmeg, ginger, black pepper, star anise, cardamon, cloves? Do you remember when your weekends were spent trying out producing different chicken flavours depending on the spices used. God, that was ages ago right?

I can go on and on reminding you about how you probably could sail through your life journey in a more smooth and organized manner, but I will let you do that yourself now. Yup, I know this note is getting too lengthy that I had expected, so before I bore you even further, just to remind you again to relook into your life journey and make adjustment wherever possible.

Till then.

Your BFF,

Yourself.