Category: Thoughts

Mona Lisa Smile

 

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Her hypnotically smile captivates millions. Many believe in her portrayal of a sad and depressed lady, but because of her smile even many more think she is a happy lady. After centuries of mysteries and mysticism, her identity has finally been revealed. She is Lisa del Giocondo, a wife of Florentine businessman, Francesco del Giocondo. Even more intriguing is a scientific finding that unlocks the famous smile of mixed emotions; Mona Lisa was 83 percent happy, 9 percent disgusted, 6 percent fearful and 2 percent angry.  

I don’t know what it is with Mona Lisa that I, in one way or another, feel like connected to her.

Those who are linked to me in Facebook might identify me as just another plain Jane on the street/LRT who tries hard to keep up with the demanding work life. A Jane who is saddened/angered with what happened to the brothers/sisters in Gaza, intrigued with the Barrack-Michelle Obama story, and at the same time letting her hair down on weekends, sitting back & relax, enjoying movies, window-shopping or simply enjoying Kalamansi with Asamboi over a plate of Kerang Bakar at her favorite reclusive lakeside stall.

I don’t know what exactly comes through the minds of those who skim through my tiny blog; but it seems like they are curious about this anonymous & faceless pathetic blogger. Well being somewhat a geek, I do know the way to discreetly install an invisible webcam behind this blog which is able to sense the readers’ emotions and compile them for some other intelligence purposes. And all credits should go to Leonardo and Einstein who had just been abruptly awoken from the graves to launch the technology…muhahaha! Seriously, this is what WordPress is hinting to me; my sporadic ‘Under My Duvet’ or ‘Dear Diary’ entries logged the highest hits so far.     

It also somewhat tickles me when I could be perceived as belonging to those insecure and clingy categories, just because of my ‘PS I Love You’ entry in BlogHer.com, a women blogger community which I was looking forward to join, after US First Lady, Ms Michelle Obama, herself was blogging her heart out in there (but it looks like she has recently stopped writing in BlogHer.com).

For the life of me, I do hope the perception isn’t true.

We could never have all the perfections that we want in life.  A picture is worth a thousand words, so they say. Facial or verbal expressions can be played, but what lies in the heart can never be fully understood by all the people, all the time. I do love my life, and I am confident to enjoy both the happiness and challenges that He bestows upon me. He knows the best.

 

A Day in a Museum – Musee de Louvre (Paris Spring ’08)

Alright, I confess here and now that I am stuck in this love/hate relationship with blogging.

At times in between meetings my mind enjoys that pit-stop-wandering, and a few stories, wit, insight and clever thought suddenly springs, yet  finding the right time/mood to craft witty, meaningful and interesting prose is almost impossible, at least that’s the way it seems to me now.

My mind is now behaving as if it is spending a day in a museum, a bit of everything comes into play. And all these bits serve as a fizzing intro to the interconnecting myriad of corporate/personal life, the universe and everything.

 

A Walk in the Park – Paris, Spring ‘08

This is indeed a wonderful weekend. I am still in jubilant mood. I just have to record this rare happy moment I am experiencing now in this journal.

After months of burning midnight oil, going through relentless meetings, cracking heads to finalise the technical architecture on how this thing is gonna save the world (ok, I am exaggerating here, the thing is only supposed to open up more opportunities for the company), the last hurdle before we get our hands dirty in the actual work finally ended very sweetly last evening. This thing I wish to call Project Futuristic finally got the encouraging nod from the members of the committee who endorses cheque writing of many zeroes at the back. Alhamdulillah. Wuhooo!!! Of course that came after being grilled, attacked, ambushed, and fired with missiles, shotguns, rifles, etc from the committee. For about an hour, while presenting my case, I just felt like a turkey surrounded by people armed with knife and dagger who were so eager to slaughter me so I can grace their Thanksgiving dinners  😀 

What makes the victory even sweeter and humbling is that, Project Futuristic proceeds through amidst the numerous cancellations of many other mega projects, understandably due to the forecasted downturn performance in the next years.

Now, whose names should I write on the cheques? Anyone volunteers to buy me flight ticket to Paris so I can enjoy Autumn there, just like I had enjoyed it last Spring?  😛  Wuhooo!!! I can just sleep through this weekend imagining walking through Paris again. Lalalalalalalala…

P.S. I Love You

The benches at KLIA international departure gate were as usual fully occupied with people of all ages and walks of life wanting to say byes to the loved ones who were flying off to various destinations all over the world.

There was one young man in his 20s, surrounded by what looked like his mum, sisters or aunties, who was passionately eating his last home-cooked meal before the journey and who was oblivious to his surroundings and loving glares from his throng of female relatives. Next to his group was slightly an older girl who was swamped by her family members and whose photos were lovingly snapped by her nieces and nephews. And then there was one middle-age gentleman who I presumed had to be away for business trip as he was haggling with at least 2 briefcases which from the look of them might be containing very important documents. He too was unmindful of what was happening around him since he was solely focusing his attention to his young beautiful and immaculately dressed spouse (I presume) and giving some kind of instructions and guidance on what to do when he was away.

There were a few other groups of fellow travelers who unlike me were savoring the final moments with the loved ones before flying off. They were all surrounded by their respective family members who were eagerly bidding farewell for their bon-voyages. Enviously fascinated by these groups’ various antics while enjoying my dinner of McDonalds before boarding MAS enroute to my destination almost made me forget that I was there all alone at the departure terminal. Himself was not there to send me off, to bid me bon-voyage.

I was quick to start blaming him before I reminded myself that it was me who had insisted that I would just swipe my passcard out of office at 6:00pm, headed to Sentral Station and checked in from there, instead of having him sending me to KLIA just like the numerous previous travels. For the first time, I just wanted to spare him all the hassles and emotional farewells at the departure terminals. “Bye Yang, see you in X days time, I love you”. It has always been the standard farewell bid by both of us depending on who is leaving on the jet plane and who is staying behind with the cats.

I handed over the boarding pass to the security, and after reaching the ground floor I automatically looked up and somewhat hoping that Himself was there watching my steps towards the immigration, usually with his forlorn look (if it is me who is staying behind, likewise I would also be expecting him to stop and look back at me whose eyes are filled with tears, before he proceeds his way passing through the immigration checkpoint).

People always ask whether I am happy with the way I led my life, together with Himself, surrounded by the cats. Of course I am, it is always my answer to all of them. But I don’t know whether that answer is convincing enough to my heart, right here right now. I just don’t know. I may seem and may sound like a very independent level-headed career-minded person, but at the end of the day I am just a woman wanting to be showered with loves, to be swamped with gifts of loves. He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me… Gosh! How in the world did I turn into such an insecure and clingy person?

Wedding Toast to Lil Bro

Dear lil bro,

Congratulations on your wedding on the 4th day of Raya. The whole thing went pretty smooth I must say.

Your BIL and I kinda enjoyed our solitary Raya moment in this big city this year, when we made the sacrifice not to balik kampung (you so owe us big time lil bro), so we could all have a better preparation over your hantaran and all. It was joyful event for both sides of the families when both sides met face to face finally; all the wedding arrangements were made just over the phone for the past few months.

It was indeed a memorable event to our little family despite having to endure the long and tiring journey heading north, from JB (for Kak Ngah & her family), BP (for Mak/Bapak) and KL (myself and your BIL) to Sik, and not to mention the massive head-banging bumper-to-bumper traffic crawls heading back to KL.

Still, deep down I couldn’t help but repeat this question. Again, do enlighten us lil bro, why your chosen blushing bride has to be from far faraway state when you had the choice of sweeping off the feet of another fair maiden whose home is just sebelah kampung to where our family home is? Moreover, this lady’s parents have been close friends with Mak/Bapak over the years; they are all also in the same ahli jawatan kuasa masjid as Mak/Bapak.

Anyway we acknowledge that it is you, not us, who is getting married, thus it was your prerogative to decide who your better half should be. And for that we respect your decision.

I hope she treats you well, that she doesn’t break your heart. Same goes to you. You are now the first SIL on her side of the family, you have to throw away your spoilt brat attitude, and be a good example to her younger siblings.

All in all, just remember that happy marriages begin when we marry the one we love, and they blossom when we love the one we married.

Congratulations again lil bro.


Love,

Kak Long

The Story of Two Pots

An elderly water bearer had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master’s house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.”
“Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed of?”

“I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts,” the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.”

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

True. As my life journey continues, no matter how much I sometimes try to deny it, I do believe that the many valuable lessons I have acquired so far are indeed coming from what I perceive as the imperfections and misfortunes in my life.

Dear Me – August 2008

Dear Me,

Hei you! It’s me, you, yourself. I know you might be surprised with this little note. I am too, as it’s been a while since we wrote to each other.

I know there’re so many things going on with your life now, especially in the work department. I found out from your Facebook that you are wishing for 48 hours in a day? I also know that you are trying to spend this lovely weekend doing office work so you can catch up with many more works back in office tomorrow. That is too much!

Take a deep breath now, hear me out will ya?

I know you have been given a whole new responsibility at work, that you have committed to deliver whatever necessary to Big Kahuna, however little your resources are now. And that what makes you stay late almost every other night ever since you came back from Berlin business trip. You constantly travel to various project offices i.e. Port Klang, Central KL, JB, S’pore, etc, you reach home almost 10:00pm almost every night, you wake up at 5:30am every morning to beat the traffic jam? You are so damn tired, aren’t you? And that exactly what your body blatantly admitted last Friday. Remember, your shoulder cramped so bad your left arm refused to lift up, that you had to take emergency leave just to regain yourself.

Thank God your strength and your spirit is back to normal now, and that you are trying to put things in better perspectives, better balanced between corporate and personal life, enjoying what you love about your me-time i.e. going window-shopping and watching movies with Himself on Saturday; sitting back/relax on Sunday, enjoying good fiction books, blogging and blog-hopping and actually leaving trails/comments on those good blogs you have been stalking all these while instead of being only a ghost reader.

I know, you still hate doing housework no matter how hard you wish to be a weekend domestic goddess, you are not even an inch closer to become a semi-domestic goddess my dear.

Hei, when was the last time you saw how beautiful a sunset is? (I know you drive to work everyday while the sun is rising but I bet you don’t even realise that, do you?) Remember back in the 90s’ when you and your then boyfriend used to enjoy waiting up for sunsets at various beaches/seaside in California, and how you longed to ..ok..ok.. let’s just keep them to ourself 😀 What about sunsets in Pangkor Island that you and Himself love so much! Remember how you two enjoyed frolicking in sea while watching the sunsets? Haha! Everybody thought you two were honeymooners although you two have been married for more than 10 years now.

Ok.. ok.. I digress, but the point is that you have been so held up in your work, you don’t even remember how to enjoy small little pleasures in life i.e. walking through pasar malam enjoying the aromas of sate, ikan bakar, ayam percik that the smells will sure stick to your scarf and baju kurung even after you safely reach home. What about enjoying the stroll in the hypermarket at the spice section, where you can sniff the different aromas of paprika, cumin, coriander, nutmeg, ginger, black pepper, star anise, cardamon, cloves? Do you remember when your weekends were spent trying out producing different chicken flavours depending on the spices used. God, that was ages ago right?

I can go on and on reminding you about how you probably could sail through your life journey in a more smooth and organized manner, but I will let you do that yourself now. Yup, I know this note is getting too lengthy that I had expected, so before I bore you even further, just to remind you again to relook into your life journey and make adjustment wherever possible.

Till then.

Your BFF,

Yourself.

The Missing Piece

You generally have a happy, fulfilling life.
But things could be a little better, and deep down, you know it.
Maybe you need more supportive friends or a more challenging career.
Something is preventing you from being totally happy.
You just need to figure out what it is!


Which one exactly is the missing piece that if I have it would complete or make me happier? Sigh! To be continued…